Once the shock of immediate loss has passed by, will he genuinely miss you, or will he - with due deference to your children's feelings - feel released from bondage, free to start again? Will he become a professional widower, shut away at nights with his books, or will he be the great guy that his female colleagues tell their divorcee friends about. Will he put some sadness in his eyes when they meet, on purpose, to draw her in? Will she feel slightly guilty that she's stepping into a dead woman's shoes? Will she try to befriend the children with new toys and day trips to Six Flags? Will they fuck in her bed, like you used to do with Pete from the PTA?

You are waiting for the crash that will kill you, and as the Merc finally makes contact with the Dodge, suddenly all you can think about is whether there was anything you could have done to avoid this moment. As the car spins and you start to lose track of which way you're facing, you decide that there wasn't. But a new question remains; whether you would change anything you've done anyway.

As the engine crashes through and breaks your legs, it feels like vindication. nth.