Astrology

Martha Dingwell

Year of the Vanilla Wafer
Those born in the year of the vanilla wafer are soft and sweet on the inside, crunchy on the outside. Make sure to get checked regularly for cavities after having sex with a vanilla wafer or waferette.

Year of the Stubborn Rock
Those born in the year of the stubborn rock will earn your respect and love only after a long period--possibly even years--of ceaseless agitation. Like a pebble in your shoe that keeps wedging itself between your toes, even after you've removed it, a stubborn rock will not likely go away without a fight.

Year of the See-Thru Burka
Those born in the year of the see-thru burka are sensual by nature but extremely reserved. In fact it is highly likely for a burka to remain a virgin until her forty-fifth year, when she can no longer birth a son. Divorcee only need apply.

Year of the Loving Paunch
Those born in the year of the loving paunch were conceived of men who were once maladjusted women.

Year of the Beatific Flapper
Those born in the year of the beatific flapper are free-spirited and out for a rollicking good time. Often drunk on their lust for life, these feisty specimens of nature view the world as their saloon. Don't let the door slam you in the ass on your way out.

Year of the Rotten Toe
Those born in the year of the rotten toe skulk outside your doorstep, whispering of better days and past lives when they were kings and queens, khans and sultans--big swinging dicks that could lick the gloss off your perfume. Give them a dollar and they'll go away, I promise.

Year of the Indefatigable
Water Balloon
Those born in the year of the indefatigable water balloon can and will convince you to come out of your hermitage and easily earn your trust. Things will be going swell; maybe they'll approve your next loan. But be prudent--nobody likes getting sprayed with cold water on winter's day in Iceland.

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Photo © Bev Wooding